why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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