i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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