Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
