why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
