That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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