i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
