saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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