She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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