Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
