dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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