She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
