so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
