Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
