U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize