His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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