There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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