i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
