They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
