So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize