Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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