? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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