the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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