I hate your face
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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