No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
