we have officially lost it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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