his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
