i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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