just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How external is "for external use only"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
