3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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