Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
