Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
