his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
