I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
