KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
