Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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