I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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