i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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