After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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