He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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