I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
