Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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