Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
