HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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