I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
