pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
