I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
