i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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