i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize