I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize