Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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