I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
