So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
