Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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