last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize