He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Less talking, more tequila
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
