I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
