i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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