So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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