Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
