My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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