i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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