I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
