just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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