Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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