Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
