ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
