Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
