Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
