We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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